


His Sweet Nothing

by alseT



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, I don't know it anymore, Leia POV, Not Really Incest, Platonic Pining, and let's pretend the Leia and luke's ' I always know somehow' didn't happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 15:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12084225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alseT/pseuds/alseT
Summary: He' her brother. And he looked at her, first time in her life she couldn't understand what his eyes were trying to tell her, to ask from her. They were hollow. Though later years when she thought back of that moment did she realise hers must have been the same.A simple statement. That's all it was, a simple statement. Like she would—could— stop loving him immediately after knowing they were twins.It wasn't all bad things to be twins. It was hell because they couldn't love each other romantically while they already did. But being twins means they probably knew each other better than anyone else in the whole galaxy, well, they even have force bond to make sure of that.( update: some slight changes in 21/12/2017)





	His Sweet Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> The title was exactly how I felt when they finished playing with my feelings, the SWOT were definitely one hell of emotional roller coster. if they don't want me to think Luke and Leia should be together, then why they made their relationship so damn beautiful? 
> 
> The numbers could be ignored if it bothers you. They were more like for my attempt at dramatic and heavy angst effect. 
> 
> And no beta, sorry in advance for any mistakes that might appear. 
> 
> Song : corner of your heart --- Ingrid Michaelson

  
+1

It wasn't all bad things to be twins. It was hell because they can't love each other while they already did. But being twins means they probably knew each other better than anyone else in the whole galaxy, well, they even had force bond to make sure of that.

  
-1

_One of the few memories she treasured:_

When none of them knew that they were siblings, once in the base of rebellions during his patrolling missions as she recalled ,she told him something about her childhood, not very important things, but little private nonetheless.He told her that he knew he loved her right at that moment.

It wasn't planned — she doubted he would've ever said it if not by accident — more like he rushed it out carelessly.

By that time he was nothing more than a sweet blue eyed boy and a hero to her and she laughed mirthfully while he blushed. _You don't know that,_ she told him. He smiled too, little resigned, but soft and kind. Whether he was good at hiding his feelings or not, she couldn't find any trace of hurt in his smile. So she missed the chance to explain what she truly meant by that.

What she meant was, love was not a thing that could be told by oneself or the other of the exact moment, it was something as mysterious as force. And you don't always know when you are in love. Because the moment you think you know, you've already been _in_ love for a very very long time.

 

0

It’s always been that way for her.

 

+1

He’s her brother. And he looked at her, first time in her life she couldn't understand what his pale blue eyes were trying to tell her, to ask from her. They were blank. Though later years when she thought back, she realised hers must have been the same.

A simple statement. That's all it was. Like she would— _could_ — stop loving him immediately after knowing they were twins.

She might have hoped so somehow, but it didn't work.

She loved him still, even more if possible, and all that changed was she began to hide it, inside her heart, her soul, pushing it into a corner that if she tried hard enough she would be able to forget someday, leaving only a dull pain that never goes away.

He was ever so tender, ever so compromising, ever so considerate. She could ask anything from him and he would agree on everything she asked. Only, she didn't want to, not from him. It stroke her that for the first time in her life, she was so tired of giving orders.

 

+1.5

 _If he wanted it too, if he felt even half of what I felt, he would ask me. Only a hint then I would be with him._ She hoped and hoped and hoped. And his smile —the kind that saved only for her— grew gentler and gentler and gentler , but he was slipping away from her orbit little by little as he smiled. She hoped she could stretch out her hand and hold onto him. She _hoped_.

 _Why he didn't say something?_ Her anger grew alongside with his changing everyday, _anything ._

He’s such a coward. Why did she love someone that had no nerve at all when it came to love. Why couldn't he face it like he face Vader. They were so unlike each other. She was all fire and crystal and hard edges while he was starlight and soft and cautious.

Why would she torment herself so, that she had fallen in love with a coward, and turned herself into one too?

 

-2

She loved Han too because he knew something. Because she became friends with him the same time with Luke. They’d been through a lot together. And he loved her,  he told her that she loved him too when she was uncertain of everything. He was so handsome and so full of himself, which she hated him for it. But there was no one like him. No one she’d ever met anyway.

 

\+ 0.5

When she said _I love you_ to Han Solo, she meant every bit of it, and she felt light, like her heart was not in her chest anymore and she could breathe easily without thinking anything. Even only god knows when she could be able to see Han again, _alive_. She must have been in love with Han Solo. There was no other way to explain it. Then, if she loved Han, she had to let Luke go. _She could. She could. She could._

 

+3

Would she?

It wasn't up to her anyway. He decided to leave in the end and she had stopped making decisions for him so long ago.

 

+2

There was always a ghost of a kiss at the corner of her lips. The only kiss she would ever have with him.

( Leia. He breathed her name out. _Si—_

He was so pale and it was her fault—always had been her fault— _Shut up and kiss me,_ she ordered. But her voice was all shaking and it sounded much too like a plea rather than an order even to herself.

He leaned down into her, as she imagined he would, eyes full of pain and longing and it felt too much like a goodbye—

She turned away at the last second.)

She wondered whether he remembered it at all. Did he ever want to?

 

or maybe she had stopped thinking for a very long time.

 

0 /  _ **∞**_

~~_I love you_ ~~

" Goodbye, and hey Leia, if I'm not there, don't wait, okay? "

~~_but this is the only way_ ~~

" Fine, just don't die."

 

 

+4

She liked all the endearing things Han called her even though she would never ever admit it. He seldomly called her Leia. But she didn't mind.

Leia, _Leia,_ there would only be one person in the whole vast universe that call her name  like it was the most precious and fragile thing in the world.

And there would only be her calling _Luke_  the way she did with all her fierceness and stubbornness.

 

There was a time when she's afraid no one would ever call her like that again and she might eventually forget how it sounds like.

( if he has ever called her name in her dream , she never was able to remember any of that when she’s awake.)

But when she really forgot one day, even to her own surprise, she was fine with that.

 

 

_**∞** _

She just wished that she would be able to hear it again once more before one of them dies. But that seemed still very very far away and she never really lost hope after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I swear it was less than one hundred words at first, then it kept rolling on itself, and getting more and more and more. 
> 
> I wrote this to relieve some pain and sadness of mine for the fact that they never could be together. and maybe I should write some modern au that they were not siblings and he was her knight in shining armour. And they ended happily ever after.
> 
> To make it easier to understand, 0 was the moment Leia was in love with Luke. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos would be really appreciated. But I think the most important things about it was that I could know I was not alone on this streetcar named pain and suffering. 
> 
> R.I.P. Carrie Fisher. I love you so very very much.


End file.
